When I turned 30, I didn't have any freak outs or panic. The only thing that hit me was how fast life was flying by. 30 felt like it came from out of nowhere. And I really did welcome it with open arms....until I found my first gray hair(s). Yes, plural. But soon I learned it wasn't anything my hairdresser couldn't fix :)
Last year, I reflected on life up to that point and felt very at peace with how much I had experienced and grown in general. This year, I feel like I've truly grown even more. It's been a year of many, many challenging ups and downs. It's during those storms you realize who is next to you, riding it out, holding your hand. When things that you thought were your stability slip away, you realize where your true support comes from.
When I turned 30, people would say, "30 is the new 20", etc etc. I never got that one. Why would I want to be 20 again? I spent my teen years imprisoned by fear. I was afraid of trying, for fear I wouldn't succeed, fear that I would do it wrong. Fear of what people thought of me. Afraid that I wouldn't be good enough. When I went to college, I wanted to experience everything I possibly could. Going to a big school, forcing myself to come out of my shell and meet lots of people, being in a big sorority, studying abroad with strangers who became best friends. I knew that was my chance to overcome those mental blocks. However, after college, I realized I did not have an answer to what's next. My early-to-mid 20's were punctuated by moments of feeling lost and without direction. What were my dreams? Did I have any? What was my purpose?
In my late 20's, I learned to stop and listen to what my gut was telling me. God was trying to help me to see his purpose all along, I was just too ignorant to see.
Three decades......what I've learned. I've learned to not be afraid of failure. I've learned that in those moments of failure, the lessons I've come away with are exponentially more insightful and beneficial than when there are no obstacles to overcome. I've learned that the number of acquaintances grow while the number of close friends shrink, and that's ok. I've learned that my traditional family can segue into a modern family, and that's ok, too. I've learned that if someone treats others poorly, then they will not treat you the way you deserve. I've learned that I will do anything for the friends who have become my family. I've learned that I've never felt so clear on my purpose in life. I've learned that God is really trying to give me the answers that I seek, I just need to close my mouth and open my eyes. I've learned to take things in stride, and that there are truly only about 3 things worth losing sleep over: health, family, and true friends. I've learned that I can love more deeply than I ever thought possible. I've learned that sorrow can run deeper than I ever imagined. I've learned to lean on others for support. I've learned to be someone else's rock. I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever knew. I've learned to choose my friends more wisely. I've learned to better manage anxiety. I've learned that to be a good partner, you need to be happy with yourself first. I've learned that learning to pick myself back up is one of the most valuable lessons I could ever learn. I've learned that I'm not scared anymore. I've learned that I don't give a darn if I'm good enough; I'm going to try regardless. And I'll probably have a lot of fun doing it. And within these lessons, there is freedom from every negative, self-doubting thought.
So 31, I'm ready. Open arms, feeling free, and more excited for the future than ever.
Happy 2012!
Love,
The Sigmon's
2 comments:
That's awesome, Jen! I hope to get to that place one day soon! Happy New Year!
beautifully written, Jenn!!
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